Wives can feel as if they have lost many things after their husband's affair. Often you feel as if you've lost a little bit of your self esteem, your confidence in your marriage and your husband, and your belief that you are perceptive enough to know what's going on. Another loss that many wives describe is the predictability in their relationship. AnastasiaDate.com review Many describe a marriage that "is just different" than the one that existed before the affair.
I often hear comments like:
"we used to have such an easy rapport and relationship but now things are
so strained and awkward." Or "our marriage used to be filled with
laughter and endless conversation but now you could hear a pin drop when we're
together. The laughter has died and in it's place is pain and silence."
One more example is "we used to be very affectionate to one another. We were
always touching or holding hands. Now, we rarely touch one another anymore. Victoriahearts It seems like we're both afraid of doing the wrong
thing or of facing rejection. Our marriage right now after his affair is so
foreign to me. It's so different than the one we had before. Will things ever
be the same again? Because I want my old life back. I don't like this new one
at all." I'll try to address these concerns in the following article.
Your Marriage May Not Be Exactly
The Same After The Infidelity. But, If You Rebuild, Your Marriage Can Still Be
Happy, Fulfilling, And Sometimes, Even Better: In my experience, it can be
unrealistic to think that you can carry on as if nothing happened or that you
can turn back time to reveal the exact same marriage as before. Despite your
best efforts of your intentions, you often can't ignore what happened. And,
this knowledge will understandably make you a bit cautious and doubtful because
you've been hurt before.
But many marriages use these doubts
and fears as motivation to make positive changes rather than to give in to the
negativity that has settled in. Yes, it's absolutely normal to be angry or even
furious that the marriage you thought you knew (or were even happy in) was not
exactly what you thought it to be. But one mistake does not mean that your
entire marriage was a farce. It doesn't mean that you and your husband Eharmony.com never loved one another, didn't have a good marriage,
or weren't happy. It simply means that, for whatever reason, you were
momentarily vulnerable and unfortunately, one of the spouses acted due to that
vulnerability.
Often, the real key to getting your
marriage to place where it feels "normal" or similar to what you've
experienced before is to identify that vulnerability and then to remove it.
Because if you can do this, then you can usually also begin to remove some of
those doubts. The reason for this is that you'll then know that the reason for
the affair is removed so that you don't have to constantly worry anymore. And,
not only can this be very freeing and such a relief, but often the work that
you do to remove those vulnerabilities will actually improve your marriage.
Couples often find that they are
forced to be truly honest, open, and forthcoming. They are no longer reluctant
to discuss any worrisome issues with or to reach out to their spouse because
they now know the danger of doing so. Also, often an affair will show both
people just how close they have come to losing their marriage or their spouse.
This is often a wake up call that isn't other wise possible. By no means am I
saying that an affair can be a positive thing. But, I do believe that it can
bring about positive changes for your marriage if you use it to motivate you
rather than allowing it to weaken your marriage to the point of no return.
Identify What You Most Miss About
Your Spouse Or Your Marriage And Be Very Proactive About Getting It Back: If
you're in a situation where you're mourning what you have lost, you don't have
to just accept that the life that you knew is gone forever or that you will
never get it back. For example, the wife in the above scenario missed the easy
rapport and the continuous physical affection that she and her husband shared.
Being able to identify and then to focus on these things are the first steps
toward getting them back.
But rather than merely accepting
this loss, be very proactive about rebuilding these aspects of your
relationship. This is hard for many people because reaching out again to
someone who has betrayed or disappointed you can make you feel very vulnerable
and even a little foolish. But, unless you want to continue to live in a
marriage that is missing something, you will sometimes have to step outside of
your comfort zone and take a chance. I know that sometimes when you do this,
you have the sinking feeling that you're going to be hurt again. But if you
don't take that chance, you will never know what your marriage could have been.
Countless couples are able to
create an even stronger and more open marriage after an affair because they
come to learn the vulnerabilities and lacking that were present. Addressing
your issues is sometimes uncomfortable but it is often worth it because it
makes you not only stronger, but more aware of your spouse's wants and needs
and just how badly it feels when you face the threat of losing them.
I sometimes hear women say that
their husband's affair was the best thing that ever happened to them or their
marriage. I wouldn't take it that fair. If I had the choice, I wish my
husband's affair had never happened to us. But, at the same time, I can look
back at it now and see where the work we did really did improve our marriage
and make it even better in some ways than it was before. So while our marriage
isn't technically the same, it's actually improved in some areas and we're
pretty darn happy. My answer to the posed question would be that, although it's
unlikely that your marriage will be exactly the same, you can return it to a
happy and fulfilling place.
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