Quite frankly, some wives are shocked to find that they still have a marriage at all after their husband's affair. Many assume that the second they find out about any infidelity whatsoever, they are out of the marriage. But, oh so often, it just isn't that simple. Sometimes, the husband just will not bow out gracefully. Or perhaps it's difficult to look triptogether.com at your children and consider that you left their father without at least thinking about saving the marriage. Perhaps you tell yourself that you will leave in the days to come. And yet, you never do.
Whatever the reason, many wives
find themselves still married after the affair. I need to be clear here. I
understand staying. I did it myself. And I'm not here to judge it. But
sometimes when you stay, you are still disappointed. You find yourself in a
struggling marriage, full of resentments and disappointments and you wonder if
this is your fate for the rest of your days. Or perhaps you think that you just
need to pull the plug on your marriage if this is all you have to look forward
to.
Someone might explain: "I
honestly do not even recognize my marriage today. I am not happy with it. At
all. It's like an old-person marriage, where the couple bicker and secretly
hate one another. It is the type of marriage that I swore I would never have.
It all went to heck after my husband's affair. I actually did pack my stuff,
load up the kids, and stay triptogether with my
sister for a while. But the kids were whining and homesick, my husband was
calling every night and begging me to come home, and my job was not so
understanding about all of the time off. So I reluctantly went back, but I told
my husband that it might be only temporary. He told me that he would take what
he could get. We did go to counseling, but I did not care for the counselor. I
started to dread going. So we eventually stopped. Now I've got a marriage that
is barely hanging on. My husband walks on egg shells around me because I am so
angry all of the time. We never have any fun. Our kids are timid about
everything. I am not happy with this marriage. But I am not sure if I would be
happier divorced."
I hear from a lot of people
expressing the same sentiment. You are not alone. And you are not feeling
anything that is not understandable. I am going to make a suggestion and I hope
that you will hear me out. Many times, I considered calling it a day where my
marriage triptogether.com
Reviews was concerned. I even took a break from it for a time. But I
can now say I'm glad that I stuck around - but only because I got serious about
getting the marriage that I ultimately wanted.
People think I'm crazy when I say
that a marriage crisis can be an opportunity. I am not saying that it feels
great at the time. But I am saying that it does give you the opportunity to
rebuild and to throw out what never worked and to keep what did. It gives you
the chance to learn new skills, throw away those habits that are destructive,
and embrace new ones that are good.
It is one of those rare times where
you have the chance to ask for - or even demand - what you want. You may feel
as if you have to settle for less, but I don't think that this is necessarily
true. I know it's frustrating when you do the right thing - get counseling or
try to talk it out - and then be frustrated by the process. I tried a few
counselors as well as self help until I found some things that gelled with me.
That's fine. Everything won't work all of the time. Some things will fit and
others will not. Give yourself permission to stop what isn't working and to
embrace and lean on what is.
There is no path that is right or
wrong for everyone. But, I would suggest that before you do decide to throw in
the towel where you know that you may be equally as unhappy, you try counseling
or other resources once more and you are honest with your husband about what is
not working for you. Since you describe him as walking on eggshells, he may be
very motivated to do whatever it takes to make things better.
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