It's normal to have conflicting emotions after you find out about your husband's affair. You may go from not wanting triptogether.com him in your line of sight to fantasizing about saving your marriage over the course of only a few hours.
One morning you may be considering
kicking him out and by night time, you're thinking about your children not
living with their father and so you're researching counseling options. This can
make you feel as if there is something wrong with you or that you are being too
wishy-washy, but it is normal. Swinging from one emotion and one course of
action to another happens to nearly every one at some point. And even when you
make the decision to try to work things out, you can still find yourself
rebelling in a way. You might still have long days of doubt where you find
yourself pushing your spouse away.
Someone might explain: "after
about a month of waffling about what I wanted to do with my marriage after my
husband's affair, I finally decided that I would be open to seeing what
happened between us. I told my husband that I was not going to ask him to leave
and that, should he do what I asked and be willing to go to counseling and be
rehabilitated, then I would be committed to trying to work things out. He
agreed. triptogether And
honestly, he has done most of what I've asked. He does go to counseling and
even though I know he hates it, he sits there without complaint. He stays home
every single night. He is trying to be attentive to me. The problem isn't
totally with him. It's also with me. He tries to be sweet to me, but I find
myself pushing him away. I find myself almost picking fights with him and being
deliberately mean. I get angry at myself afterward, but of course by then the
damage is done. I'm very frustrated with myself about this. And I feel like its
going to mean that I lose my marriage regardless of how hard we are trying. Why
am I pushing him away like this? And how can I stop? It makes me feel like a
mean-spirited person and I am not normally like this."
You are not a mean person. What you
are going through is absolutely normal. I dealt with it and I don't know many
who have escaped it, especially in the beginning. Below, I will go over some
reasons triptogether.com
Reviews that might be contributing to his issue and I will discuss
how you might handle it.
An Unconscious Desire For Him To
Prove His Love And Commitment: I can only speak for myself here, but I honestly
believe that the biggest reason that I pushed my husband away was because I
wanted to see if he would hang around, despite my treatment. I guess in my
mind, I thought that if he stuck around even when I was being mean to him, then
he must really love me and be committed to me. I know that this was twisted
thinking that was destined to breed resentment. But early on, I do believe that
I was operating under that principal. Luckily, I gained confidence that he
truly wanted to be there as time went on and I was able to stop, which leads me
to my next point.
Sometimes, You Are Reacting To The
Doubts And You're Trying To Protect Yourself: Frankly, there were times during
my recovery process where I was a little short and mean to every one - not just
my husband. I was always plagued with fears and doubts. I was resentful that my
life had come to this when I had done nothing wrong, so I was likely to lash
out at any one who happened to be there at the time. But of course, it was a
little worse for my husband, because we both knew that he was the cause.
You May Be Trying To Protect
Yourself With Emotional Walls: There's sometimes a subconscious desire to not
let him get too close to you emotionally. This is meant to protect you from
getting hurt again. You might think that if you can keep him at arm's length,
you might not get burned. Of course, keeping him at a distance also means that
you sacrifice the intimacy. Now that you see that it's pretty normal to feel
the way that you do, let's talk about how to put a lid on it.
How To Stop Pushing Him Away: Right
now, you have emotional walls built around yourself meant to protect you. It's
normal and natural. But, it's common sense that in order to get the intimacy
back (which we all want,) you have to let the walls down.
The first step is being aware of
when and how it is happening. Often, there are some triggers that happen just
before you lash out or pull away. I want you to be aware because if you know
when this is coming, you can pause and stop yourself before you act. Train
yourself to always pause and think before you talk or take any action. Train
yourself to step back (mentally - not physically) when your husband makes
physical overtures, so that you are not as likely to just pull away without
pausing or thinking about it first.
Finally, ask yourself if you're
pulling away because there is something that you are particularly angry about
or are finding unresolved. If that is the cause, then get it out there. Leaving
it between you is obviously causing a rift. You don't have to be ugly about it,
but sometimes shining a light on the elephant in the room can turn down the
anger, which in turn will lower the amount of times you pull away.
This can naturally get better in
time once you begin to see regular progress. That's why it's key to not shut
down and to keep working toward progress and improvement. Confidence allows you
to feel safe in allowing him to get close to you.
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